Aiyana Laughed

Family Pictures

2011-12-12T15:00:00.000-10:00

Must find this great of a prop for our next family picture....

Our new toddler

2011-10-02T11:13:00.000-10:00

The other day we went to the mall to get slippers and ice cream for Aiyana. On a whim we ventured into the pet store thinking that Aiyana might like a goldfish, since we STILL can't get a dog. None of us have ever been a bird person, in fact, I use to hate when family friends asked us to watch their parakeets because those things were so loud. But we fell in love this eclectus parrot and brought her home. Her name is Jewel and she is so smart and cute. She's likes to investigate everything, just like a kid. Ali already has a list of words that he's teaching her.

Fall Decorating

2011-09-08T17:25:00.001-10:00

The past few weeks have just been the most beautiful beach weather you can imagine. Crystal clear blues skies filled with luscious billowing clouds. But these pictures have me excited for Halloween and the fall season, even though we don't really get that in Hawaii! Check out Better Homes and Gardens for more ideas.

My Marriage

2011-08-15T23:44:00.000-10:00

***

Our family is a circle of love and strength.

With every birth and every union, the circle grows.

Every joy shared adds more love.

Every obstacle faced together makes the circle stronger.

-Joseph Campbell

The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas

2011-07-27T08:55:00.000-10:00

In my ethics class we've been discussing drawing a strong moral line between what is right and wrong and not subscribing to the win at all costs mentality that is so prevalent in this world. One theory that people use to justify their actions, or their lack of actions when wrong, is done is the utilitarian theory. This theory argues that wrong is justified when it is done for the greater good. In this story Le Guin (one of my all time favorite authors) illustrates that one person's intense suffering is insufficient to outweigh the happiness of many. This story pushes us to examine the sources of our own comforts and freedoms. Try to read it and not cry.

The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas

by Ursula K. Le Guin

With a clamor of bells that set the swallows soaring, the Festival of Summer came to the city Omelas, bright-towered by the sea. The rigging of the boats in harbor sparkled with flags. In the streets between houses with red roofs and painted walls, between old moss-grown gardens and under avenues of trees, past great parks and public buildings, processions moved. Some were decorous: old people in long stiff robes of mauve and grey, grave master workmen, quiet, merry women carrying their babies and chatting as they walked. In other streets the music beat faster, a shimmering of gong and tambourine, and the people went dancing, the procession was a dance. Children dodged in and out, their high calls rising like the swallows’ crossing flights over the music and the singing. All the processions wound towards the north side of the city, where on the great water-meadow called the Green Fields boys and girls, naked in the bright air, with mud-stained feet and ankles and long, lithe arms, exercised their restive horses before the race. The horses wore no gear at all but a halter without bit. Their manes were braided with streamers of silver, gold, and green. They flared their nostrils and pranced and boasted to one another; they were vastly excited, the horse being the only animal who has adopted our ceremonies as his own. Far off to the north and west the mountains stood up half encircling Omelas on her bay. The air of morning was so clear that the snow still crowning the Eighteen Peaks burned with white-gold fire across the miles of sunlit air, under the dark blue of the sky. There was just enough wind to make the banners that marked the racecourse snap and flutter now and then. In the silence of the broad green meadows one could hear the music winding through the city streets, farther and nearer and ever approaching, a cheerful faint sweetness of the air that from time to time trembled and gathered together and broke out into the great joyous clanging of the bells.

Joyous! How is one to tell about joy? How describe the citizens of Omelas?

They were not simple folk, you see, though they were happy. But we do not say the words of cheer much any more. All smiles have become archaic. Given a description such as this one tends to make certain assumptions. Given a description such as this one tends to look next for the King, mounted on a splendid stallion and surrounded by his noble knights, or perhaps in a golden litter borne by great-muscled slaves. But there was no king. They did not use swords, or keep slaves. They were not barbarians. I do not know the rules and laws of their society, but I suspect that they were singularly few. As they did without monarchy and slavery, so they also got on without the stock exchange, the advertisement, the secret police, and the bomb. Yet I repeat that these were not simple folk, not dulcet shepherds, noble savages, bland utopians. They were not less complex than us. The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain. If you can’t lick ‘em, join ‘em. If it hurts, repeat it. But to praise despair is to condemn delight, to embrace violence is to lose hold of everything else. We have almost lost hold; we can no longer describe a happy man, nor make any celebration of joy. How can I tell you about the people of Omelas? They were not naive and happy children—though their children were, in fact, happy. They were mature, intelligent, passionate adults whose lives were not wretched. O miracle! but I wish I could describe it better. I wish I could convince you. Omelas sounds in my words like a city in a fairy tale, long ago and far away, once upon a time. Perhaps it would be best if you imagined it as your own fancy bids, assuming it will rise to the occasion, for certainly I cannot suit you all. For instance, how about technology? I think that there would be no cars or helicopters in and above the streets; this follows from the fact that the people of Omelas are happy people. Happiness is based on a just discrimination of what is necessary, what is neither necessary nor destructive, and what is destructive. In the middle category, however—that of the unnecessary but undestructive, that of comfort, luxury, exuberance, etc.—they could perfectly well have central heating, subway trains, washing machines, and all kinds of marvelous devices not yet invented here, floating light-sources, fuelless power, a cure for the common cold. Or they could have none of that; it doesn’t matter.

As you like it. I incline to think that people from towns up and down the coast have been coming in to Omelas during the last days before the Festival on very fast little trains and double-decked trams, and that the train station of Omelas is actually the handsomest building in town, though plainer than the magnificent Farmers’ Market. But even granted trains, I fear that Omelas so far strikes some of you as goody-goody. Smiles, bells, parades, horses, bleh. If so, please add an orgy. If an orgy would help, don’t hesitate. Let us not, however, have temples from which issue beautiful nude priests and priestesses already half in ecstasy and ready to copulate with any man or woman, lover or stranger, who desires union with the deep godhead of the blood, although that was my first idea. But really it would be better not to have any temples in Omelas—at least, not manned temples. Religion yes, clergy no. Surely the beautiful nudes can just wander about, offering themselves like divine souffles to the hunger of the needy and the rapture of the flesh. Let them join the processions. Let tambourines be struck above the copulations, and the glory of desire be proclaimed upon the gongs, and (a not unimportant point) let the offspring of these delightful rituals be beloved and looked after by all. One thing I know there is none of in Omelas is guilt. But what else should there be? I thought at first there were not drugs, but that is puritanical. For those who like it, the faint insistent sweetness of drooz may perfume the ways of the city, drooz which first brings a great lightness and brilliance to the mind and limbs, and then after some hours a dreamy languor, and wonderful visions at last of the very arcana and inmost secrets of the Universe, as well as exciting the pleasure of sex beyond belief; and it is not habit-forming. For more modest tastes I think there ought to be beer. What else, what else belongs in the joyous city? The sense of victory, surely, the celebration of courage. But as we did without clergy, let us do without soldiers. The joy built upon successful slaughter is not the right kind of joy; it will not do; it is fearful and it is trivial. A boundless and generous contentment, a magnanimous triumph felt not against some outer enemy but in communion with the finest and fairest in the souls of all men everywhere and the splendor of the world’s summer: this is what swells the hearts of the people of Omelas, and the victory they celebrate is that of life. I really don’t think many of them need to take drooz.

Most of the procession have reached the Green Fields by now. A marvelous smell of cooking goes forth from the red and blue tents of the provisioners. The faces of small children are amiably sticky; in the benign grey beard of a man a couple of crumbs of rich pastry are entangled. The youths and girls have mounted their horses and are beginning to group around the starting line of the course. An old women, small, fat, and laughing, is passing out flowers from a basket, and tall young men where her flowers in their shining hair. A child of nine or ten sits at the edge of the crowd, alone, playing on a wooden flute. People pause to listen, and they smile, but they do not speak to him, for he never ceases playing and never sees them, his dark eyes wholly rapt in the sweet, thin magic of the tune. He finishes, and slowly lowers his hands holding the wooden flute.

As if that little private silence were the signal, all at once a trumpet sounds from the pavilion near the starting line: imperious, melancholy, piercing. The horses rear on their slender legs, and some of them neigh in answer. Sober-faced, the young riders stroke the horses’ necks and soothe them, whispering, “Quiet, quiet, there my beauty, my hope....” They begin to form in rank along the starting line. The crowds along the racecourse are like a field of grass and flowers in the wind. The Festival of Summer has begun.

Do you believe? Do you accept the festival, the city, the joy? No? Then let me describe one more thing.

In a basement under one of the beautiful public buildings of Omelas, or perhaps in the cellar of one of its spacious private homes, there is a room. It has one locked door, and no window. A little light seeps in dustily between cracks in the boards, secondhand from a cobwebbed window somewhere across the cellar. In one corner of the little room a couple of mops, with stiff, clotted, foul-smelling heads stand near a rusty bucket. The floor is dirt, a little damp to the touch, as cellar dirt usually is. The room is about three paces long and two wide: a mere broom closet or disused tool room. In the room a child is sitting. It could be a boy or a girl. It looks about six, but actually is nearly ten. It is feeble-minded. Perhaps it was born defective, or perhaps it has become imbecile through fear, malnutrition, and neglect. It picks its nose and occasionally fumbles vaguely with its toes or genitals, as it sits hunched in the corner farthest from the bucket and the two mops. It is afraid of the mops. It finds them horrible. It shuts its eyes, but it knows the mops are still standing there; and the door is locked; and nobody will come. The door is always locked; and nobody ever comes, except that sometimes—the child has no understanding of time or interval—sometimes the door rattles terribly and opens, and a person, or several people, are there. One of them may come in and kick the child to make it stand up. The others never come close, but peer in at it with frightened, disgusted eyes. The food bowl and the water jug are hastily filled, the door is locked, the eyes disappear. The people at the door never say anything, but the child, who has not always lived in the tool room, and can remember sunlight and its mother’s voice, sometimes speaks. “I will be good,” it says. “Please let me out. I will be good!” They never answer. The child used to scream for help at night, and cry a good deal, but now it only makes a kind of whining, “eh-haa, eh-haa,” and it speaks less and less often. It is so thin there are no calves to its legs; its belly protrudes; it lives on a half-bowl of corn meal and grease a day. It is naked. Its buttocks and thighs are a mass of festered sores, as it sits in its own excrement continually.

They all know it is there, all the people of Omelas. Some of them have come to see it, others are content merely to know it is there. They all know that it has to be there. Some of them understand why, and some do not, but they all understand that their happiness, the beauty of their city, the tenderness of their friendships, the health of their children, the wisdom of their scholars, the skill of their makers, even the abundance of their harvest and the kindly weathers of their skies, depend wholly on this child’s abominable misery.

This is usually explained to children when they are between eight and twelve, whenever they seem capable of understanding; and most of those who come to see the child are young people, though often enough an adult comes, or comes back, to see the child. No matter how well the matter has been explained to them, these young spectators are always shocked and sickened at the sight. They feel disgust, which they had thought themselves superior to. They feel anger, outrage, impotence, despite all the explanations. They would like to do something for the child. But there is nothing they can do. If the child were brought up into the sunlight out of that vile place, if it were cleaned and fed and comforted, that would be a good thing indeed; but if it were done, in that day and hour all the prosperity and beauty and delight of Omelas would wither and be destroyed. Those are the terms. To exchange all the goodness and grace of every life in Omelas for that single, small improvement: to throw away the happiness of thousands for the chance of the happiness of one: that would be to let guilt within the walls indeed.

The terms are strict and absolute; there may not even be a kind word spoken to the child.

Often the young people go home in tears, or in a tearless rage, when they have seen the child and faced this terrible paradox. They may brood over it for weeks or years. But as time goes on they begin to realize that even if the child could be released, it would not get much good of its freedom: a little vague pleasure of warmth and food, no doubt, but little more. It is too degraded and imbecile to know any real joy. It has been afraid too long ever to be free of fear. Its habits are too uncouth for it to respond to humane treatment. Indeed, after so long it would probably be wretched without walls about it to protect it, and darkness for its eyes, and its own excrement to sit in. Their tears at the bitter injustice dry when they begin to perceive the terrible justice of reality, and to accept it. Yet it is their tears and anger, the trying of their generosity and the acceptance of their helplessness, which are perhaps the true source of the splendor of their lives. Theirs is no vapid, irresponsible happiness. They know that they, like the child, are not free. They know compassion. It is the existence of the child, and their knowledge of its existence, that makes possible the nobility of their architecture, the poignancy of their music, the profundity of their science. It is because of the child that they are so gentle with children. They know that if the wretched one were not there sniveling in the dark, the other one, the flute-player, could make no joyful music as the young riders line up in their beauty for the race in the sunlight of the first morning of summer.

Now do you believe in them? Are they not more credible? But there is one more thing to tell, and this is quite incredible. At times one of the adolescent girls or boys who go to see the child does not go home to weep or rage, does not, in fact, go home at all. Sometimes also a man or woman much older falls silent for a day or two, and then leaves home. These people go out into the street, and walk down the street alone. They keep walking, and walk straight out of the city of Omelas, through the beautiful gates. They keep walking across the farmlands of Omelas. Each one goes alone, youth or girl, man or woman. Night falls; the traveler must pass down village streets, between the houses with yellow-lit windows, and on out into the darkness of the fields. Each alone, they go west or north, towards the mountains. They go on. They leave Omelas, they walk ahead into the darkness, and they do not come back. The place they go towards is a place even less imaginable to most of us than the city of happiness. I cannot describe it at all. It is possible that it does not exist. But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

Reprinted from Ursula K. Le Guin's "The Wind's Twelve Quarters" Gollancz; New Ed edition. October 19, 2000

Mothers Day

2011-05-08T14:03:00.000-10:00

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.

She never existed before.

The woman existed, but the mother, never.

A mother is something absolutely new.

~Rajneesh

Social Responsibility

2011-03-24T22:55:00.000-10:00

Check out this amazing video from the group, Watoto From the Nile (Swahili for Children From the Nile). The girls are sisters and are only 10, 9, and 5 years old. In the open letter to Lil' Wayne, they call out the rapper for his misogynistic lyrics towards woman.

Memorable lines include:

Mr. Wayne, I must complain/about what you do and what you say

I’m a girl that's only ten/But for my sisters I must represent/How old are you? I hear you're 20-something ... I guess that means that you're a man

My daddy tells me I'm a queen/But you call women other things/It makes me mad/I can't pretend

The song gets disturbing/Please, Mr. Wayne, can you stop all the hurting?

I hear you got a little girl/Does she get the same referral?

I hope that we can work together/and help our people/that's what we need/one love/forget the greed

What an important reminder that the lyrics we as adults might brush off as unimportant, can make a lasting impression on the more vulnerable. As parents, we try to shield our daughter from all the ugliness in the world. But I would hope that we can also give Aiyana the strength and guidance so that she will be as thoughtful and wise as these little girls.

Balloon house

2011-03-11T15:36:00.000-10:00

Up is one of Aiyana's favorite movies and National Geographic actually made a working model of the house from the movie. Amazing! Check out more pictures here.

Reading nook

2011-02-28T19:58:00.001-10:00

TheInspiredRoom.net

I am currently on the lookout for the perfect chair to add to our bedroom. It would make a perfect reading and studying corner. Here are some inspirations.

Notice the little leaning details of the starfish and vase on the edges of the mirror. The stacked baskets are the perfect place to hide odds and ends. The bird pillow ties the chair into the seaside theme (or its just another example of put a bird on it!)

Dooce.com

I love the use of color. I'm not sure if I'll ever be brave enough to do this but I figure that if I look at enough pictures of bright, cheery rooms that eventually it will rub off on me. Hopefully this will be ok with the hubby who's personal style is more along the lines of mahogany paneling against clean, white walls with lush green accents.

LivingEtc.com

The print on these wingbacks is just so fun. I've always loved these type of chairs.

Thinking about birthdays

2011-02-21T13:11:00.000-10:00

Aiyana's birthday is coming up in a few months and if her current love for Angry Birds continues, this may be the perfect theme.

SugarBoo Designs

2011-02-18T12:54:00.000-10:00

When Aiyana was two weeks old, my friend and I drove from Tallahassee, Florida, to a little town one hour away in Georgia, called Thomasville. There I saw this photobox with a quote that I just loved.

Fast forward to now, I walked into SoHa Living, a home design story in Hawaii and I saw this (the picture really doesn't do it justice). A two-piece handmade art piece made of reclaimed wood. Turns out that the two designs, separated by miles and time are from the same artist. Check out SugarBoo Designs, a husband and wife team out of Roswell, Georgia. Small world, huh!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T16:27:00.000-10:00

***

Isn't everything better with hearts! I'm loving all the clever ways to use cut-outs and cookie cutters. If I may take a second to be a little sappy, I am so happy with life and my family. I never thought that I would find such an amazing man who is such a good husband and dedicated father. He constantly challenges me and we have a great partnership. We're excited to have the rest of forever to be together. We are also completely blessed to be surrounded by caring and generous family and friends. All my love and thank you, God.

***

I think I'll be making these brownies for The Babe (as our daughter likes to copy, since we apparently say it so often to each other) aka the hubby. Aiyana has already asked for brownies once today; she'll be so happy!

Back by (very) popular demand

2011-02-10T22:42:00.001-10:00

So I've decided to start this back up again. You know just set it in line with switching to full-time grad classes, supporting my husband also being a full-time student (he's taking WAY more classes than me plus he actually reads the books), chasing the little monster, and lots of incredibly satisfying married sex. What can you say, I missed blogging.

We'll see how it goes. All my pictures are gone from flickr and the blog looks a little sad right now but I've been having so much fun following friends' blogs (Hiking, Parties, Life) that I wanted to join in. Hope you enjoy and I leave you with this. Can someone please take family pictures like this right now? Courtesy of John Hook (Blogspot, FB)

Burberry

2009-11-17T12:39:00.003-10:00

This past weekend in Vegas, I made the mistake of following my friend into the Burberry store to look at coats. She fell in love with the most gorgeous ruched velvet trench. Meanwhile, I am frantically searching for reasons why I would need a Burberry coat in Hawaii. The only reason I have is because sometimes I take trips to the mainland. Dear Hawaii, couldn't you at least drop below 65 degrees one day a year?

Check out Artofthetrench.com

Thinking

2009-11-07T01:54:00.002-10:00

The only people who wear Affliction shirts are MMA wannabes. Even Dana White hates these shirts and I swear any guy who wears them is an instant reject. So over that.

Everything is better at the beach

2009-11-04T08:26:00.004-10:00

Yep, still enjoying beautiful weather in the Aloha State.

Bumble bee

2009-11-04T08:24:00.001-10:00

Best Halloween ever! (for now)

King of Spain

2009-10-29T19:50:00.002-10:00

Oh goodness

2009-10-22T04:00:00.000-10:00

For some reason I’m on a grad school-is –the-best thing-in-the-world kick. I think this new found fondness for getting into debt and sleepless nights of studying is college football homecoming week. My extent of undergraduate collegiate support consisted of one football game. ONE! In my defense the University of Hawaii is good at women’s volleyball and basketball….not so much at the football.

Exhibit one: The Georgia Bulldogs beat down of UH in the 2007 Sugar Bowl

HOWEVER, after witnessing the awesomeness that is the FSU football season (I am still so jealous of you guys) I’m intent of hosting a repeat in Hawaii. One of my classmates is in a law school sorority and they host the tailgates. Food, drinks AND intelligent, graduate level conversation…DONE! Tickets…bought! Additional friends coming so that we all know each other…recruited! Its going to be fun.

On that note, I’ve been wasting way too much time at textsfromlastnight.com. It’s the most ridiculous, wasted ramblings which mostly just annoy me but some of them are pretty clever. Check it.

Education

2009-10-20T14:39:00.005-10:00

There's one story my mom repeats over and over again. The one about how she had a teepee growing up and how it really helped her understand Native American history, even though she lived across the Manhattan bridge in New Jersey. Usually when she started I was all like, "MOM...I already know all about Indians because I once made out with one. He had a tribal tattoo and everything!"

Aiyana's not going to learn about Native Americans the shallow way.

Good and bad

2009-10-19T04:00:00.000-10:00

The really good

Country music in Hawaii specifically jamming out to Toes by the Zac Brown Band on my way to the beach. It makes me smile every time I hear it and I still wish I had made it to the Bahamas when I was in Florida.

My uncle’s marriage and the subsequent two days of partying. I met more extended family in one weekend then I’ve seen in the last ten years and we had a blast. I knew it was going to be a good time when I walked into their backyard reception and saw the blowup pool full of fun drinks.

Bike riding to the tide pools and Aiyana’s mini photo shoot. She was soaked, literally, within one minute. And then she spent the next hour picking her way gingerly across the slippery rocks and shrieking every time seaweed brushed against her.

Chilling with the surfing dudes before we headed out to dinner. Picture the obligatory surfing movie in the background, bleached blonde hair, and comparing preferred swells. I just sat on the couch and giggled. One of the guys asked me if I surfed and I told him, only if the guy is cute enough.

The bad sheep

The beach ball size jellyfish that floated up on Kailua beach right next to where Aiyana was playing.

Preoccupation with threesomes. I went out to couples’ night and apparently one of the married pairs felt like propositioning me. I’m sorry, but you’re married and I couldn’t care less if both of you are cool with it. Talk to me when you’re single or only dating. I just lost all respect for you.

Alexander McQueen’s 10 inch stiletto pod shoes. Beyond ugly and totally dangerous. The models are queen because I surely couldn’t walk in those.

Girl stuff

2009-10-16T04:00:00.001-10:00

I'm on the hunt for something to organize my earrings since my mom keeps on borrowing mine and not putting them back with the care and precision necessary to keep them organized. Its tough to keep them in the right place and I can't say she cares a bit...I do the caring for her and that's not a balanced relationship. This Pottery Barn tree might be just the ticket for earring-organizing peace. Now if only they didn't $20 extra just to send it to Hawaii. Amazon mails it for free! Come on now.

Its finally opening weekend

2009-10-14T01:28:00.004-10:00

Thanks Courtney for posting this cute and easy tote tutorial at BloesomKids. Use it for a Halloween goodie bag or just because the movie is out on FRIDAY! I'm also loving the Uglydolls inspiration.

Thinking

2009-10-14T01:21:00.002-10:00

The only thing that's going to make his moving bearable is if the next one is popolo-Hawaiian.

This is a-dorable

2009-10-12T23:51:00.003-10:00

I suppose I should be disturbed that Little Miss's shoes cost more than mine

BUT....

they are Converse All Stars!

And they are sparkly!

Her Halloween outfit is now complete.

Who is that man?

2009-10-07T22:56:00.002-10:00

Funny stuff from Old English Comedy!

My best friend Ben got married last month. My job was to make the wedding slideshow. He told me, "We want our slideshow to be unique and different. You can do whatever you want, and I won't try to approve it."

His mistake. This is what I made.

Oh, peacock!

2009-10-06T04:00:00.002-10:00

People are crying up the rich and variegated plumage of the peacock, and he is himself blushing at the sight of his ugly feet.

-Sa’Di

Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her... when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her?

-Helen Rowland

Time to play dress-up

2009-10-02T04:00:00.002-10:00

Aiyana is going to be a bumble bee and I'm going to be a panda...a sexy panda because those really exist.

Paisley and Posies bumble bee outfit

Chuck Taylors for the kiddo

Nathan Jenden tutu inspired dress

David Wyatt heels

DIY chalkboard paints

2009-09-25T04:00:00.001-10:00

***

Who know that making your own chalkboard paints was as easy as picking up a few supplies from the hardware store? And there are so many ways to use pretty paint colors besides just on the wall!

***

How-To make your own custom colors:

Start with flat-finish latex paint in any shade. For small areas, such as a door panel, mix 1 cup at a time.

1. Pour 1 cup of paint into a container. Add 2 tablespoons of unsanded tile grout. Mix with a paint stirrer, carefully breaking up clumps.

2. Apply paint with a roller or a sponge paintbrush to a primed or painted surface. Work in small sections, going over the same spot several times to ensure full, even coverage. Let dry.

3. Smooth area with 150-grit sandpaper, and wipe off dust.

4. To condition: Rub the side of a piece of chalk over entire surface. Wipe away residue with a barely damp sponge.

Via Martha Stewart

***

Thinking

2009-09-24T04:00:00.002-10:00

***

Silly boys, don't they know that girls will talk?

***

Madly love

2009-09-23T04:00:00.003-10:00

I had almost forgot the perfection that is David Yurman's jewelry until I spotted a gorgeous cocktail ring at dinner a few months ago. I have to save for it, but this will soon be mine.

My new favorite activity

2009-09-22T04:00:00.000-10:00

I was so proud of Aiyana when she began to say more and more words. But then she learned how to string them together...not so much in a sentence, more like in constant repetition. You cannot even BEGIN to imagine what its like to live with a child until you've been followed around the house with her yelling, "MAAAAAAA!" And every time I stop to see what she wants, she'll stare at me until I start to walk away and then again bellow, "MAAAAAAA!"

Bling, bling

2009-09-21T01:38:00.004-10:00

I am trippin’!

Hardcore trippin’ and being a dork, my first thought is aaaahhhh…I am SO going to blog about this.

Work was pretty mellow tonight and towards the end I was just waiting on a few guests to leave. I sat down with my boss and two of her friends, guys I had met before. We were all chatting and when I finally left, one of them offered to head to the grocery store with me. He was moving soon and half the house was in boxes so it was a decent way to kill time. I was picking up the last few ingredients for a special drink recipe courtesy of Kriste. Recipe follows because it is just…that…good.

Seriously, who knew vodka and beer would blend that well!

Hop, Skip, and Go Naked

16 oz vodka
16 oz Sprite
1 can frozen limeade concentrate
1 can frozen lemonade concentrate
6 beers (I used Corona, but it calls for anything that you have on hand)

Ice and lime, baby, ice and lime.

My friend decided to also make a batch and I agreed to “supervise the operations.” That’s just code to say that I wanted to have a few DELICIOUS drinks.

We got on the topic of kids. It turns out that his daughter is the same age as Aiyana and that he’s currently going thought a nasty divorce. He hasn’t seen his child in four months even though she literally lives down the road. I’m sure there are two sides to every story and I’m don’t really believe that the ex-wife is as awful as he says, but I was so grateful that Aiyana’s father and I are nowhere near that bitterness level. Sure, I’m don’t think we’re each other’s most favorite people (personally, my most favorite person is that hot, blonde surfer dude down the street but I suppose that really has nothing to do with this story) BUT, at least by my account, we can pick up the phone and have a conversation and I’d love for him to visit the baby as often as possible. Three days the last time was totally NOT enough.

I was even able to ask my friend a few questions about custody and visitations, issues I had addressed in my parenting agreement. And even though, good gracious, I always wanted to raise my child with her mommy and daddy happily married to each other, I was just really happy that Aiyana’s dad and I aren’t fighting anymore. Hopefully he feels the same way but who knows.

BUT…now we get to the good part. I ask to see a tour of the house and when we get to the baby’s room, my friend throws open the closet doors and behold it is a baby heaven of unopened toys, and clothes with the tags still attached, and Radio Flyers. EASILY $10,000 worth of baby supplies…in one room…multiples of strollers. Craziness!

And then he asks, “do you need anything?” I thought I’d die. If love can be bought with things, I’m done. I controlled myself and said no but as I was leaving he asked again and much to my dismay (oh you better believe it, I was SO upset!) he FORCED me to take a Peg Perego stroller and a Recaro car seat. Brand new…still in the box…EXPENSIVE!

And that’s when I thought, he would SO not be giving me the hook-up if I were a married lady.

Fifteen months old

2009-09-16T04:00:00.010-10:00

Dear Aiyana,

When I sat down to write this letter I realized that it’s been a full two years since your life began on this planet. It’s been fifteen months since you broke into my life, changing everything for the better and nine months before that of planning and preparing for your arrival. And I sit here at my desk, you in the living room playing and laughing with your Uncle Michael, I couldn’t love you more.

Last weekend Auntie Alyssa visited from California. During her time here, I amazed by how much of your own personality is developing. You loved hanging out with the girls all day; playing to the beach, eating lunch, going shopping. The night Alyssa slept over you woke her up at 6:30AM by gently poking her eyes and then giving her a kiss. As soon as you were dressed for the day, you marched over to your shoes, grabbed a pink sneaker and a white sandal and you were ready to head out the door.

We’re still working on the complexities of matching.

Every evening you’d sit with us in the room as Alyssa and I did our hair and makeup. It was a never ending battle of you grabbing the mascara and me pulling it away. Then the wheels in your head would start turning and you’d wiggle your way onto my lap as if to say, FINE! I may not be able to play with makeup but good luck putting on eyeliner NOW!!

And then you started to stare straight at me and mumble babblings under your breath if I dare to scold you. Heaven forbid Little Miss be told no.It’s probably the most adorable thing since Jessica the baby hippo. I hear Jessica is big now and she ate her owners…I can see your mumbling posing future problems.

But oh, the cuteness!

Love,

The luckiest mom in the world

Nice monster dog

2009-09-15T04:00:00.006-10:00

I have begun to think she wishes she was raised as a little wild, wolf girl. Her affinity for furry, slobbery dogs is astounding. She’ll chase after random dogs, her arms outstretched, “take me with you!” All those dog show weekends have found a new fan.

Rebirth

2009-09-14T01:08:00.005-10:00

And just as all decayed into death, new life emerged.

Thinking

2009-09-14T00:27:00.002-10:00

Why have I been wasting time on the Cooking Chanel when there's Dexter to be watched?

Soon to be the newest distraction

2009-09-11T04:00:00.001-10:00

***

I can't wait to get an easel/chalkboard for Aiyana. I remember spending hours painting, and making a mess, and wearing daddy's old t-shirt as a smock. It's on order for as soon as we get through the whole putting-everything-in-her-mouth stage.

Photographer: Arthur Elgort

2009-09-10T04:00:00.001-10:00

Gorgeous!

Smile inducing

2009-09-09T04:00:00.001-10:00

I love this vintage Mercedes all decorated in balloons. Such a perfect reminder to take every opportunity and make every day fun.

Via Decor8

Mad skills

2009-09-07T13:38:00.001-10:00

You know you need to stop dancing like your baby when the guy in the club turns to you and asks, "ummm, what are you doing?"

Thinking

2009-09-06T16:25:00.004-10:00

I know many times, us women think we're incredibly sneaky, and clever, and pretty, and can get away with anything.

To the chick who didn't like me talking to her hookup buddy:

I'm sorry he thought my dress was cute and he wouldn't stop talking to me. But ignoring me half the night and then spending the second half acting like my new best friend is just insulting. I can see through your diversion techniques. Don't worry, I was finished going out with him last month.

Beautiful curves

2009-09-03T04:00:00.002-10:00

I'm loving these pieces by pen and ink artist, Gabriel Moreno. They're so sensual yet elegant with a touches of nature woven throughout.

Playing dress-up

2009-09-01T04:00:00.002-10:00

Today, while I changed her clothes, Aiyana caught a glimpse of her birthday party tutu hanging in the closet. She pointed and screeched until I pulled it down and then she wore it for the rest of the afternoon. I guess with all the dressing up I was doing, she began to feel left out. Luckily for her, Halloween is coming up soon and that's the perfect excuse for a fancy costume.

Outfits by Wovenplay via Party Perfect

Triple threat once she starts singing

2009-08-27T04:00:00.008-10:00

She has yet to learn how to respect the musical instrument but I think her dancing ability will progress nicely. Especially if continues to show off her skills whenever the music gets loud. You should have seen her at Forever 21 the other day. She was toddling around the store, only to stop and stare at the Japanese tourists who just thought she was soooo kawaii. Just before she would run off again, Aiyana would bounce to the music, wave her hands around like a maniac, then race to hide in another clothes rack. Bouncing and hand waving...she's bringing it back.

Something for the house I don't have yet

2009-08-26T04:00:00.000-10:00

This past weekend was the annual "Made in Hawaii Festival" with all the local designers and products. So'Mace is an eco conscious (aren't they all?) line that's been in the design news and bit and I can see why. Fun island prints with a touch of mainland styling. Now if only Anthropology would open a store out here, my life would be complete.

Sometimes she tries to eat puppy food

2009-08-25T04:00:00.002-10:00

If I thought the morning barking was bad enough, now he has to come along and encourage tearing apart the cupboards. No wonder Aiyana loves the puppies.

There is always a link connecting ears and hearts and minds

2009-08-24T04:00:00.003-10:00

If there is one belief I would like to instill in Aiyana, it is that we are all connected with our brothers and sisters around the world. And that an issue that effects the children of Kenya, or the woman of Afghanistan, or Chinese workers should be just as important to us in America, as it is to the person who is personally affected each day. I would love nothing more for her than to be concerned about, and sympathetic towards, universal human welfare and social reform promoting these goals.

I personally believe that woman and children are the two groups that need the most protection from the evils that exist in the world. There are so many dynamic people at the forefront of this mission: to promote balance in our world. The mother of one of my very good friends is closely involved in InterAction, a non-profit organization committed to ending world hunger. Through my friend and her mom I discovered Sarah Jones.

Sarah Jones is a Tony award winning playwright and poet. She is activist, dedicated to ending violence against children. Best of all she's funny and very, very talented. Check out her video and spread the message. That's how the dialogue starts and change happens.

Makes me want to jump on a camel

2009-08-21T13:05:00.003-10:00

The Longest Way 1.0 - one year walk/beard grow time lapse from Christoph Rehage on Vimeo.

I can't stand beards. Mustaches make me wrinkle my nose. But when travel is thrown into the equation, a beard suddenly becomes interesting...not that I would ever promote it or let it get close to my face but I'll watch the video and entertain the idea of walking across China.

Via Loobylu

Fourteen months old

2009-08-20T15:35:00.003-10:00

Dear Aiyana,

I don’t know why this month’s letter was so difficult to write. I have sat down at my computer every night for the past week trying to compose something significant and meaningful. Something that would make you amazed at my superior writing ability but since the most important thing in your life is pulling everything off the shelves and trying to see what’s under my shirt (hold on a second…maybe they disappeared from the last feeding time…I’ll check…) I figure I’m safe if I take a bit longer to write down my thoughts.

This month you’ve seemed to slowly become less of a baby and more of a little girl. I feel like you understand everything I’m saying to you. So I immediately pulled out all the encyclopedias and we’ve been reading them every night before you go to sleep. Yes! Another case of trying to shape your child into a mini, better version of the parent…I’ll stop right now.

You adapt so well to new situations and new people. Last week we went to the zoo with a couple of my friends and their five year old niece. When you first met them you were shy and kept on trying to bury your face in my neck. But before I knew it, you were running around with your new friend, chasing peacocks and staring at the gigantic elephants.

At the water park you weren’t even scared of the deep water and you just toddled right in and tried to swim. Aunty Tiffany and I kept on having to drag you back and remind you that the water is deep and even though you’re Hawaiian, you still can’t swim yet. You just turned around and started off towards the SLIDE! Or the WATERFALL! Or the other little kids that were running around and screaming.

You’ve also become a little monkey and are constantly trying to climb on the coffee table and push the button to make the phone ring…loudly…throughout the entire house. Then I yell at you and you jump away from the phone but wouldn’t you know, two minuets later you’re doing it again. Don’t try to pull that behavior at a job, you’re boss won’t think it’s as cute as I do.

Love you my little rascal,

Mommy

Thanks Melissa!

2009-08-19T16:43:00.002-10:00

***

I'm so excited! Melissa Loves just featured me over at her gorgeous blog and I couldn't be happier. This is a big step in any newbie bloggers life. Yippie!

Beautiful + temple

2009-08-18T22:31:00.002-10:00

***

and look mother

I am

a dark temple where your true spirit rises

beautiful and tough as a chestnut

-Audre Lorde

What's I'm doing

2009-08-17T23:23:00.002-10:00

Making: beach and dinner plans
Cooking: birthday cupcakes for my brother and friends
Drinking: champagne the other night at my girl's birthday party
Reading: Quick Business Math, Slate.com and the NY Times
Wanting: a David Yurman ring and pretty dresses
Looking: for a way to never have to clean the house again
Playing: with Aiyana
Wasting: time online when I should be getting ready for classes
Sewing: the straps on my Trina Turk dress before a wardrobe malfunction
Wishing: he could visit little miss
Enjoying: taking Aiyana to all the kiddie places and shaking my head at my childless friends' cluelessness
Waiting: for Aiyana to stop climbing on coffee tables
Liking: the Captain
Wondering: if you really can just know something without a doubt or are we just lying to ourselves
Loving: that Aiyana adjusts to new situations so well
Hoping: to make it to G.I. Joe and District 9
Marvelling: at the deap, clear blue of the Hawaii ocean
Needing: the muggy weather to go AWAY!
Smelling: Aveda candle loveliness
Wearing: as little clothes as possible
Following: dooce's baby reporting
Noticing: all the tattoos at the water park
Knowing: that I can't know how everything will turn out
Thinking: that 6.8% interest on a student loan just because it's grad school is ridiculous
Feeling: thankful for my friends who get it about having a baby
Bookmarking: airfare deals for Vegas in November and Denver when he moves
Opening: a new Pandora playlist
Giggling: at Channing Tatum's stripper past (in Florida!)
Feeling: grateful for my family

Do the same thing!

Making:
Cooking:
Drinking:
Reading:
Wanting:
Looking:
Playing:
Wasting:
Sewing:
Wishing:
Enjoying:
Waiting:
Liking:
Wondering:
Loving:
Hoping:
Marvelling:
Needing:
Smelling:
Wearing:
Following:
Noticing:
Knowing:
Thinking:
Feeling:
Bookmarking:
Opening:
Giggling:
Feeling:

Via Meet Me at Mike's

Amy Olson jewelry

2009-08-14T04:00:00.000-10:00

I love my new earrings. Etsy comes through yet again.

Zena and Bella go hiking

2009-08-11T04:00:00.003-10:00

Look how excited they are...a couple more minutes until they get sick...

Throw the log for us because we'd love to obsessively chase it for hours.

And there they go!

Because today I saw my first school bus of the season

2009-08-05T04:00:00.000-10:00

And the first school bus sighting, officially signals the winding down of summer and the start of a new school year. Thanks to a few over zealous playgroup moms and their questioning about whether I've put Aiyana on any preschool wait lists, I kind of freaked out. Oh my gosh, she's a year old and there's the bus and I haven't even RESEARCHED ANY SCHOOLS!!! I was in honors society in college...I'm trying to work past the anal retentiveness.

I've also been frantically studying my book on business math so I'll be ready for classes that start in a few weeks.

Ok, that's a lie. I've set the book on my desk and every few days when Aiyana has gone to sleep early, I've already checked Facebook five times, I've responded to emails (hate doing that), finished reading everything on Google Reader, already called Tiffany twice that day or she's working, AND the house is clean then I'll crack it open. Thank goodness, something ALWAYS comes up before I've spent to much time on evil math. This strategy worked for the GMAT so I'm hoping it works again.

BUT to get in the mood for fall, and school, and Aiyana's surprise at the end of the week here are a few pictures.

From the Flickr photostreams of:

Fantasy family

2009-08-04T04:00:00.001-10:00

From my new favorite French photo blog Souvenirs.

My aha moment!

2009-07-31T14:36:00.002-10:00

I feel like I'm on Oprah and I finally had my aha moment! It was sparked by this picture and quote and from their I couldn't stop (thanks for the easily categorized quotes Think Exist.com). As someone who both needs to give AND receive forgiveness...daily, these passages are profound.

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

Paul Boese

Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.

Sara Paddison

We achieve inner health only through forgiveness - the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves

Joshua Loth Liebman

Forgiveness is the final form of love.

Reinhold Niebuhr

Photography from the talented Flickr streams of:

The dude magnet

2009-07-30T04:00:00.003-10:00

Last week I had an epiphany. I finally realized that the puppies are still small enough to fit in my car and not make a huge mess if I put down a towel. Pretty soon they'll be the same size as their gigantic mother who slobbers, and sheds hair, and barfs. No, seriously. Every time she gets in the car, she'll throw up after 15 minutes...and I know, somewhere out their Tom is shaking his head and saying, "SEE?!! THAT is why I never let you get a dog."

But I digress.

Last Saturday I decided to take Bear and baby to the beach. Bear is the calmest of the three puppies we still have and he is also the only boy. See the connection? Boy=calm. I didn't like the math when I first saw it but so far it holds true. So we head to the beach with Bear struggling to find a comfortable position and Aiyana following asleep before we hit the first stop light. It's a gorgeous day and the beach is crowded. Aiyana is playing in the sand with the kids next to us. Bear is attracting attention by running in and out of the water. I'm getting hit on by some cute Arizona dude who loves dogs.

Bear, why have I taken so long to bring you to the beach? I had no idea that the child-fear most guys experience somehow gets canceled out in the presence of a puppy. It's like the reverse hot chick.

And suddenly that annoying, barking puppy has found a new purpose.

Because most of the time its the exact same thing

2009-07-29T04:00:00.001-10:00

It must be the time of year or the fact that I'm getting older and about to hit the second round, but lately wedding season has been ubiquitous. Last week I watched Bride Wars (why is Kate Hudson the cutest ever?!!) and 27 Dresses, the week before my friend got married in Texas, and this week up pops the most hilarious wedding entrance ever. If you haven't been lucky enough to click on over to youtube and check it out I beg, implore, beseech you to go RIGHT NOW and watch.

Best Wedding Entrance Dance Ever

via 100 Layer Cake

Your chariot awaits

2009-07-28T01:09:00.003-10:00

Last week we had a play date at my friend's house with three other adorable babies. Out of the four munchkins, Aiyana is the only one who is walking so she totters around like the jolly, green giant spreading good will amongst the others with her ability to MOVE. I like to think that she walks along reveling in the fact that she's finally taller than somebody. In the midst of her toddling, Aiyana discovered a riding toy truck and she was immediately smitten. But before she became to attached to her new profession of trucker, I rushed out to buy her more repetitive music playing, princess gear. Because apparently raising the child to have unrealistic expectations of her "real" heritage is the new parenting trend.

Road trip entertainment

2009-07-24T04:54:00.000-10:00

Merrilee over at Mer Mag recently posted this super crafty travel desk she whipped up for a long car ride home. Apparently she used masonite, a magnetic sheet, zippers, fabric, and some sort of stuffing. She hasn't posted any tutorials yet but hopefully she does because I think this would be great for when Aiyana gets older. And by the time Aiyana is a bit older, we'll have recovered from our last, long road trip from Florida and I'll want to do another!

Growth + layers

2009-07-23T09:09:00.002-10:00

***

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.

-Anais Nin

Pretty, pretty rooms

2009-07-21T04:00:00.006-10:00

Workspace

Lovely soothing bedroom

Beautiful repurposing

I love the whimsy in this home

Thirteen months old

2009-07-17T02:00:00.001-10:00

Dear Aiyana,

You’ve turned into a little babbler, who is, at long last, finally making sense. I’m still trying to figure out exactly what you’re trying to communicate but there is no doubt that YOU know what you’re saying and if only the rest of the family would figure it out, you would be so pleased. You point to things and seem to ask, “what’s dat?” You shake your finger at the puppies and scold, “heeeeeyyy.” And when you’re looking for me, you walk around the house repeating, “mama, maaaaaaama” about fifty times. With so many family and friends in your life, you must feel like you need to join the conversation ASAP.

You’ve also discovered the joys of opening drawers and dumping EVERYTHING on the floor. It’s kind of funny because back when your uncles were babies, I would get so furious when they did the same thing to me. Look at that, I was a lame-o, neat freak even at twelve years old. Apparently it’s a pay-it-forward moment because now you empty their desk drawers all the time and it drives them crazy. Ahahaha. Payback. You’ll be sitting on the ground surrounded by your new treasures when one of your uncles will spot you and yell AI-YA-NAAAA! You’ll jump up and run away from them, laughing. It was the cutest thing ever until you also started doing it to me.

Amidst all the fun and games and watching you grow up, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it takes to be a good parent. A couple of nights ago, Eminem came into my work. He’s a huge celebrity who’s been really successful but has had this crazy, personal life. Apart from his misogynistic, often hate-filled lyrics which dang it, are unfortunately pretty freaking catchy and you are so NOT allowed to listen to them, he raps a lot about his daughter. Most of the time he wonders how he’s doing as a parent and worrying that he might not be providing the very best for his child. It seems that no matter who you are, rich or poor, celebrity or middle-class American, parents all worry: are we preparing our child the best we can and what should be do differently? I’ve definitely spent nights worrying about these very issues and feeling guilty that we don’t have the “perfect” family structure.

Especially now, as you are getting older and more aware of your environment, I sometimes slip into thinking that everything I do has to be just right: activities, and playmates, toys, even clothing. I have to remind myself that while all those things are important; a loving, joyful, encouraging home far surpasses anything I can buy for you or any event I could plan. And you know what, I’m glad that the important things in life can’t be bought because I don’t think I could save up enough money to ever afford them. And thank goodness that I don’t have to be flawless, because I know I’m no good at perfection. But each day that I spend showing you something new and having you teach me patience, kindness, and peace is one more day that proves that everything will turn out right. And this is the sort of thing moms think about even when their kids are still little babies and can barely talk.

I love you more than anything,

Momma

Photographer: Lisbett Wedendahl

2009-07-16T00:20:00.000-10:00

Somewhere between the last thousand pictures I've taken of Aiyana, and my friend and I deciding to launch a photography website showcasing our latest projects, I've become slightly obsessed with photos. Not enough to run out and buy a SLR but I blame my bank account on that one and I AM saving up. But now I'm constantly on the lookout for inspiration in pretty scenes and color combinations. Interiors seem to be some of the most challenging subjects to make interesting in a shot but Lisbett Wedendahl from Denmark seems to know what to do.

Via Kids Love Design

Momma blogging love

2009-07-14T04:30:00.002-10:00

Before I started blogging, I had no idea that there were so many people out there writing about their lives, inspirations, struggles, and successes. There are so many talented woman who not only write about their families, but constantly amaze me with their writing talent and knack for cool internut finds.

Dooce: the one and only. Totally honest and hilarious, with a healthy splash of dirty. Definitely not for the faint of heart.

Marvelous Kiddo: Super stylish NYC mama with a passion for alternative child rearing and attachment parenting.

Progressive Pioneer: Urban living, country girl with a quest to bring a natural, family lifestyle back into focus.

Bloesem Kids: Fabulous international blog with the coolest new products and finds for your little fashion maven.

The NieNie Dialogues: The second I started reading I had a feeling this was written by a LDS. Nothing stood out in particular, except maybe for all those white shirts and ties in her family pictures. Turns out she's Mormon of the year...do I know how to guess or what! This lady knows how to take family pictures that you actually want to see and she almost died in a plane crash.

Urban Organica: artsy mama with great craft projects and camera SKILLS.

One + Action

2009-07-10T07:58:00.004-10:00

***

I am only one,

but still I am one.

I cannot do everything,

but still I can do something;

And because I cannot do everything

I will not refuse to do the something

that I can do.

-Edward Everett Hale

Photographer: Anna Wolf

2009-07-09T07:26:00.005-10:00

I want to go apple picking, in a sun dappled orchard, wearing a cute red dress and boots.

Lovely photographer Anna Wolf via This is Glamorous

Glasses

2009-07-07T09:04:00.004-10:00

Happy 4th of July!!

2009-07-04T13:26:00.003-10:00

The parade was fun and the horses were cool but the best part was the lollipop and her completely unpatriotic outfit. Good job, mom. I'm going to the beach now.

Explosion

2009-07-02T17:23:00.003-10:00

Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon.

A happiness weapon.

A beauty bomb.

And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination.

-Robert Fulghum

Weekend softies project

2009-06-26T10:13:00.004-10:00

I was inspired by Pip over at Meet Me at Mike's to do a collection of softies. These would be a perfect weekend project, provided I can properly operate the sewing machine and don't break the needle and get the thread hopelessly tangled around the bobbin. I'm still looking for a tutorial on how to make the viking (or money to bring him home) but until then I can stay busy with these...

If nothing ever changed...

2009-06-24T11:44:00.002-10:00

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

Gorgeousness

2009-06-23T08:34:00.004-10:00

No stronger to the blogsphere, Thayer Allyson Gowdy is an incredibly prolific photographer with a knack for capturing beautiful, sunkissed moments. I love her style and her well stocked online portfolio. Check out her well designed website here.

Little monsters

2009-06-22T08:28:00.003-10:00

Bella, Allie, Bear and Kai

The hooligans are still here and getting bigger than ever. We took all four puppies and momma hiking yesterday. The hike started with a good five minutes of puppies insane yelping as they pulled at their leashes and tried to catch up to the leader. When we finally let them loose to wreak havoc they darted around biting at Zena and generally acting like they were jacked up on speed. I told Aiyana our nightly prayer is that unsuspecting buyers come soon.

Twelve months old

2009-06-19T16:02:00.004-10:00

Dear Aiyana,

So this hasn’t been the fastest monthly letter I’ve ever written you. In fact, for such a momentous occasion as your first birthday, (oh my gosh, you’re a YEAR!!!!!!!) I’ve been remarkably recalcitrant. But if your love can be bought with gifts I’d like to point out how much money I spent on your birthday party. Or if your love language is more quality time, I’d like to remind you that we’ve done fun activities like shopping, and hiking, and going to the beach almost every day. THERE. My excuses are complete.

I’ve actually been thinking about this letter for a while and everything I wanted to say; how I still can’t believe a year has passed from June 11, 2008 and how this date marks, not only your birthday, but also the start of parenting for your father and I. It doesn’t seem possible that we been gone from Tallahassee Memorial Hospital for a whole YEAR; that evil place where your dad slept on the floor for three days and nurses woke us up every two hours. If someone finally brings a bazooka into the hospital and blows the nurse away as they’re about to open the door, I’d understand. Let me SLEEP.

You’ve become such a little princess with your walking, and babbling, and the angry noises you make when Uncle Michael tries to take back his legos. When we go shopping you’d much rather go exploring and you run away from Auntie Tiffany when she tries to pick you up. You get so excited to go outside and play in the garden with the puppies and you get very bitter when I take you back inside. The rocks on the ground are always infinitely more interesting than anything going on around you and you try to show off your muddy collection as if to say, isn’t this the most AMAZING discovery that was ever made! I always get a kick out of watching you with new people because you play coy for a while but just when they think you’re set on ignoring them forever you face shines with one of your happy smiles and all is good.

But you’re not the only one who’s been growing and changing. When we first moved back to Hawaii I was very angry about a lot of different events. I was scared too because there were a lot of changes that I had to get use to as well as plans I had always believed would happen that just weren’t going to work out. To make it worse, I had been taking all my anger and fear out on people that were important to me, both when I was in Hawaii and before I got back. Dude, MAJOR attitude adjustment needed. I was walking around with all these harmful emotions when a friend finally sat me down and said to just give it six months. Throw six months at the problems and when you get to the end of the time, look back and realize how far you’ve come. Then give it six more months. Keep on doing that until you’ve forgotten to look back and you’re only looking forward.

And now, six months later all I can say is that he was 50 million percent right. That’s a pretty astronomically high number. You can’t count yet but just believe me. That’s not to say I’m cured. It’s not like one of those TV evangelists that slap your forehead, BE HEALED and everything is fixed. It’s not as easy as that. In fact, I’ll think I’m doing pretty well then I’ll get into a fight with my mom or brothers and find out OH… I have another fault. But being angry is so exhausting and having that emotion spill into your life, tainting everything it touches, is no way to live.

At some point in your life you’re going to have problems, issues that seem like they’ll destroy you and you’ll have no hope of recovery. But you are stronger than that. And when your life seems like it will never get better just remember to take six months. And another six months. And in the end I know you’ll rise: healed and wiser and stronger.

But I’m getting ahead of myself because this is a letter for a much older girl and you are nowhere near the age to need any of this motherly advice. So for now know that I love you my sweet, darling little princess with dancing eyes the color as your dad’s and your little nose that looks just like mine.

Love,

Mommy

I love parties

2009-06-15T14:55:00.004-10:00

I've never been a big birthday person. I'm content to stay home and have a family dinner with cake rather than a big blowout. Who knew that all it would take for me to change my mind was nine months of gaining weight, birth, and the ensuing responsibility of a kiddo. Now I LOVE BIRTHDAYS! Little miss had her first party this past weekend at the beach with lots of food, friends and presents....this little punk has enough clothes for the next three years.

Finally a dog her size that she can love.

The party colors were green and white. My mom sewed pillow covers and a blanket and we set up an area for the kids to play. The boys tried to suffocate each other with the pillows.

Little social butterfly visited everyone to make sure they were having fun and getting enough to eat. She must get that from her dad.

My friends in Tallahassee keep on asking when I'll be back to visit. I tell them, as soon as Hawaii gets ugly. It's just that we've had a run of good weather. But AS SOON as it gets bad I'll hop on a plane....just the second it happens.

The lil' monsters that are NOT Aiyana's size...they barked at everything and one of the little boys kept on running over and loudly whispering, "shut up!"

A year of baby

2009-06-11T07:43:00.003-10:00

Probably the only thing we did right, but we did good on this one, Tom.

Because I needed a reason

2009-06-10T14:06:00.006-10:00

Lately I’ve slowly but surely been weaning myself off of the designer bag habit. Sorry Louis, it just seemed like you weren’t as much a giver as I would have liked. And Gucci? That one morning you finished all the coco puffs without even asking if I wanted any and you KNOW that’s my favorite cereal.

So far this self-imposed shopping rule just means I haven’t bought any purses at all. Which is just an explanation for deprivation and isn’t the best reason to give people when they wonder why you’ve used the same bag for the past six months. Instead of biting the bullet and forcing myself to buy a “common” bag, I’ve switched my attention to shoes and dresses. HELLOOOO Betsy Johnson and BCBG!

I never said this wouldn’t be a materialistic post.

This is the collection of purses I have my eye on and now I just need to take the plunge and buy something.

The only diaper bag I’ve ever liked: Dwell Studio
A big, slouchy laptop bag for grad school: Morelle Truffle bag
Cute, beach town tote: DrikaB
Eco conscious reusable shopping bags that roll into a ball: Flip & Tumble
Pretty, little clutch for a night of dancing: Red Ruby Rose

Ouza

2009-06-08T14:17:00.004-10:00

So I haven't been to Greece (yet) but thanks to friends I can still experience a bit of their culture. I've been meaning to try the potent Greek drink of choice Ouzo, ever since I heard about it and now I can. It may not be as perfect as drinking in a tiny cafe overlooking a cobblestone street but if I gets me that much closer to where they filmed Mamma Mia, I'll be happy. Really hot, dancing Greek men can come later.

The things you learn in college

2009-06-05T08:24:00.001-10:00

This past weekend my friend and I had a total girls’ day: shopping, lunch, and a little beach action. Aiyana was right alongside, sipping margaritas with us (patron silver, no salt) until 2pm when she crashed. Lisa and I left her napping with my mom and headed down to the beach. Apparently everyone and their cousins decided to go to Lanikai because it was PACKED. We circled the block a few times with no luck. Fourth time around, we spotted a group of three guys leaving the beach.

Let me paint you a little picture….tall, blonde, rock-hard abs, and ridiculously good looking. I would have jumped out of my car right then and followed them like a puppy if my nervous, little fingers hadn’t jammed the seatbelt.

As the guys sauntered by the cutest one tells something to his friend and strokes the entire length of my car. I turn to Lisa and say, “I think my car just came.” Having just broken up with her boyfriend, she tries to play it cool and pretend she doesn’t care which lasts for, oh, about negative two seconds. Not wasting any time, I whip me car around, casually suggesting that we follow them to their parking spot. It’s hard to be casual when you’re giving your friend whiplash. As we drive up behind them, Lisa leans out the windows and asks if we can use their parking spot. The hotties turn around and race over to out car (They raced, I swear. It was DEFINETLY not my imagination speeding up the instant replay.)

Immediately the questions start,

“How you ladies doing?

Are you sisters?

Do you have boyfriends?

You aren’t married are you?”

“Perfect, now.

No, no, thank God, no. But you may apply for the position.”

Oh my goodness, can you say players. I tried to be indignant but it’s hard to be annoyed when he-of-the-perfect-ass is cracking jokes and being completely attractive. So we’re driving slowly next to them, doing our best to play it cool when the hottie (ie. the car stroker) looks in my back seat and spots the car seat.

“You have a BABY!”

I couldn’t help it, I start to giggle. Too much nervous energy.

“Yes, yes I do.”

“But you’re not married?”

“No, I’m not.”

“How does that HAPPEN?”

Really? Seriously? Should make some diagrams, draw you a picture? You’d probably really like that. I just shook my head and silently wished that he would walk ahead again. Shhhh, don’t talk…just flex your muscles.

Lisa and I drive around the block and meet the three guys at their car. As they’re about to leave, they start talking again, trying to get us to go watch the basketball game with them and we keep telling them that we can’t. Meanwhile, we’re blocking the entire road and the guy behind us is yelling at us to move when Mr. Intelligent Questions leans out of the windows and again asks how I can have a baby and not be married.

I look at him, wonder why I’m giving a biology lesson to another adult (what a great pick up line, guys!) and answer, “WELL… it happens when you have unprotected sex, that’s without a condom, and you choose to not have an abortion.”

He ponders for a second then responds and in all his sexy ridiculousness, “Can you do that with me?”

Oh, honey I’ll let you make as many babies as you like…provided you have a college degree, a good job, a wedding ring, and you never sleep with anyone else as long as we both shall live. Amen.

And you MUST walk ahead of me, in those board shorts, at least once a day.

Party countdown: 10 days

2009-06-03T16:07:00.004-10:00

A birthday tutu to go over her swim suit for a party at the beach. I'm currently envisioning all the ridiculously cute pictures I can now take.

Sighs. Good job, mom. Buy clothes, to take pictures, to post online. Fabulous way to shop.

Shopped at Cupcake {website here)

Bought Tutu Couture {online here}

The only horses I can afford

2009-06-01T13:10:00.001-10:00

What a great creative project; a horse a day and the finished project would look so great in a child's play space. Get the instructions here.

Via Design*Sponge

Utah Phillips: The Reason to Study History

2009-05-29T11:45:00.005-10:00

Before your eyes glazy over and you push next because, OH MY GOD look at all those words put together, I couldn’t possibly read all those words. What does she think this is???? COLLEGE??!! Know this, your brain will die a little if you never use it and each day it will die and die and then you could possibly get Alzheimer’s…that’s just pure science.

Utah Phillips (1935-2008), was a legendary folk musician and peace and labor activist. Over the span of nearly four decades, Utah Phillips worked in what he referred to as “the Trade,” performing tirelessly throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. The son of labor organizers, Phillips was a lifelong member of the Industrial Workers of the World, known as the Wobblies. As a teenager, he ran away from home and started living as a hobo who rode the rails and wrote songs about his experiences. In 1956, he joined the Army and served in the Korean War, an experience he would later refer to as the turning point of his life. In 1968, he ran for the US Senate on the Peace and Freedom Party ticket. In the last years of his life, he lived in Nevada City, where he started a nationally syndicated folk music radio show. He also helped found the Hospitality House homeless shelter and the Peace and Justice Center.

This is the point where I wonder when I will begin to accomplish great things in my life because, good gracious, I’m lagging a bit. In 2004, Democracy Now interviewed Phillips and asked him what he saw as the most urgent threat to our country. He explains how we have become segmented and separated from any sense of what has gone before us.

The long memory is the most radical idea in America. That long memory has been taken away from us. Listen, you young people I’m talking to, that long member has been taken away from you. You haven’t gotten it in your schools. You’re not getting it on your television. You’re not getting it anywhere. You’re being leapfrogged from one crisis to the next. You know, you can’t remember what happened last week, because you’re locked into this week’s crisis.

No, turn that off. You know, walk away from that. Walk out your front door. Go find your elders. Go find your true elders. Go find your people that lived that life, who knew that life and who know that history. And get your hands down into that deep rich stream of our people’s history. We divided our culture up into a market for youngers, a market for young adults, a market for young marrieds, a market for older people, you know. It’s not that way. And mass media contributed to that by taking the great movements that we’ve been through and trivializing important events. No, our people’s history is like one long river. It flows down from way over there. And everything that those people did and everything they lived flows down to me, and I can reach down and take out what I need, if I have the courage to go out and ask questions. That huge river, you know, it’s like tributaries that flow down into the polluted river and purify it and purify it.

Read the full transcript of this amazing interview here. Phillips talks about The Palmer Raids, Big Bill Haywood, and AFL and if you don’t know what those are, go ask somebody who does. Mmmmmmhhhh, I love history!

A tale of two puppies

2009-05-27T23:15:00.006-10:00

What's not to ADORE about that face?!

Hawaiian hiking

2009-05-27T13:12:00.001-10:00

Everyone had a day off from work so we headed up to the west side of Oahu for some hiking. It was a gorgeous day and absolutely deserted at Kaena Point.

Little miss wants to walk...and stop...and eat things off of the ground.

My three brothers looking studly.

The dead looking Hawaiian Monk Seal. Completely endangered, there are only 1200 of these guys left in the world. It took all of my willpower to not walk over and rub his belly.

Naked swimming: because when you're a baby, all you need is a hat.

Sea urchin underwater.

Some sort of 'opihi. When you touched it, it would shrink back a little against the rocks.

This would be perfect next to my herbs

2009-05-26T23:43:00.002-10:00

This looks like it could possibly be a relatively simple DIY (this coming from the girl who's first inclination is, I bet I can buy it somewhere.) But all it would take is some wood, paint, and those nifty posts. You wouldn't even have to use nails.

Kristoffer Fagerström via Oh Joy!

Static boards

2009-05-25T22:29:00.004-10:00

My brothers are completely into board sports: surfing, snow boarding, and skateboarding. They're athletic monsters and SO much better at their games then I could ever hope to be. I saw their skateboards the other day; lined up against the wall, just waiting to be taken out to play.

Ask me in six months how I'm doing

2009-05-23T20:29:00.005-10:00

***

I made it into the MBA program!! Yay! Six months ago when I moved back to Hawaii, realized that a baby is expensive and that my undergrad degree in history wasn't going to cut it, I decided I should go to business school. Business was infinitely more applicable, diverse, and had the potential for me to do very well in my career. After studying for the test, hating math again, writing papers, and an interview I got the call from Jen, the admissions director that I was accepted. I'm so excited to start in the Fall although....I hate math and I hear there is a touch of that in B-school. We'll see how in love I am come November. :D

Changing the width of your blog

2009-05-22T00:48:00.002-10:00

I’ve long wanted to know how to make pictures appear wider on my blog. Or in smart people words (ie. people who actually know a lick about HTML…SO not me) change the width. Apparently it’s a pretty easy process. One that took me about 40 minutes and a whole lot of refreshes. Check out the tutorial here. Obviously this website is a work in progress as I am completely learning as I go. But I'd love to hear your thoughts and advice and most of all if the new design looks weird on your monitor. Thanks!

Titanic drinks

2009-05-20T12:22:00.002-10:00

For those times when your drink needs more than just plain ice. Find yours here.

Gourmet via Design Boner

ICFF 2009 faves

2009-05-19T10:55:00.003-10:00

Grace at Design*Sponge was lucky enough to be in NYC for the 2009 design show. She took about a million pictures and here are some of my favorites.

I love wood with character and I love that sea foam green. Genius to put the two together. Uhuru Design.

The always slightly cheeky Sycamore Street Press.

Missprint out of London. I don't think I've stressed how much I love blue, especially it's many shades. This summery, graphic print pops but in a pleasant, calming way.

This piece looks like it deserves to be set over a candle so the light can shine through all the delicate pin pricks. Uber talented silversmith, Miranda Meilleur.

The show newcomer, Kamal stationary. Delicate peacock prints and tactile embellishments make these cards worth saving.

Eleven months old

2009-05-18T19:09:00.000-10:00

Dear Aiyana,

This month just seemed to sneak up on me. For the past week, when people asked how old you are, I’ve been telling them that you’re almost eleven months when, helloooo, you’re already there. Will you believe me if I tell you that it’s not my fault? That life has just been going a million miles an hour without breathing room? I don’t think you’ll be fooled. Forgetting the date is just what happens when you’re not in school anymore and dates on the calendar are more of suggestions then strict guidelines. Baby, work, and home life…it’s everyday, not a periodically scheduled activity.

The other night I was sitting at the bar talking to one of our regular visitors while I waited for my tables to leave. The bartender asked if I was going out later with all the other girls at work and I eloquently told him that I needed to get home and feed you. Boobs…they start hurting after a while. He’s all, since he had known me post you, “Whoa, so domestic now, eh?!” I’m all, “Dude, you have NO idea.”

It made me think of when I was still pregnant with you. I had a major panic attack one day because I was convinced that your father would be a better parent then me. He had scores of nieces and nephews; buckets of them that he saw frequently (see what the Mormons will do to you) and I only had a handful of older cousins that I never saw. I hadn’t been around babies in years and even when I use to baby sit, the best part was watching cable. I just knew that I would make an awful mother. But you know what happened? You came along and somehow, AMAZINGLY, everything just fell into place. It wasn’t me and I’m sure this whole parenting thing will only get more difficult (you can’t talk back yet) but it was ok. So often we can doubt ourselves and second guess but thankfully…one million percent thankfully…things can still work out.

When you aren’t inspiring me with confidence in life, you’re learning how to do new things. Like what, you ask? Oh, you know the usual, just conquering WALKING. One day you were taking a few steps before tumbling to the floor and the next you’re sauntering into the living room, carrying your book and sucking on your bottle. Good gracious, what just happened! It materialized so quickly that I still forget that you want to get down and walk when we go places. And of course, I forget the shoes, pretty much all the time. Me and the po’ child just going about our day.

Love you baby,

Mommy

Sunset over the Pacific

2009-05-14T15:04:00.001-10:00

Loving Mae

2009-05-13T09:25:00.004-10:00

My newest Etsy acquisition: removable, fabric, wall stickers...not the little girl...I already have one of those. I've been searching for some sort of wall art that I can mount lower so Aiyana can see it and become more cultured. I love that she can play with this and arrange to her heart's content. Find it at the Love Mae Store.

Monkey bread

2009-05-12T11:06:00.004-10:00

UPDATE: Leave it to Pioneer Woman to upstage my recipe! She also just posted a recipe for monkey bread and it looks just as good (maybe better but I think thats just because her photos are always so perfect.) Check it out here.

I didn't learn about this recipe until the tender age of seventeen, just when carbs became an evil thing. Fortunately, or unfortunately in beach season, I still like bread. This recipe couldn't be easier and the result is nothing short of delicious.

Make one loaf worth of sweet bread dough. Follow any recipe you like. A cinnamon roll recipe would do nicely although I used a potato bread dough recipe that my family makes every week.

Melt a stick of butter and add some vanilla extract if you like.

Mix white sugar, brown sugar, and cinnamon in a bowl. Exact measurements aren't needed because it's sugar; it all tastes good!

Break off pieces of the dough, roll into balls, dunk the balls in the butter, then roll them in the sugar mixture, and plop them into a greased bunt pan. Repeat until all the dough is gone.

Let rise until doubled in size. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 40 minuets. Yummy goodness! In fact, it was so good that my three brothers finished it within an hour.

Perfect for my burgeoning garden

2009-05-11T08:49:00.005-10:00

I’ve been desperately searching for the Descanso lilac hybrid because it grows well in warm climates. So far I’ve been to two nurseries and every time I explain what I’m looking for the gardener looks at me as if to say, “Girl, you crazy! This is Hawaii and we only have hibiscus.”

Seed markers made from up-cycled plates. Because sometimes it’s nice to know exactly what herb you’re throwing into that stew.

This blue is quickly becoming my signature color. Thanks a lot Martha Stewart! This watering can would just look gorgeous.

A tuteur is just what we need for the tomatoes although, truth be told, I’d much rather have beautiful, flowering vines like this picture.

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-08T09:56:00.004-10:00

***

Before you were conceived I wanted you

Before you were born I loved you

Before you were here a hour

I would give my life for you

This is the miracle of life.

***

I saw this quote in a little cooking store in Thomasville, Georgia, when I was seven months pregnant with Aiyana. I love how this embodies everything my mother has ever done for me and all that I can ever hope to be for my daughter. How much more poignant is that love, when it's reflected from humans to the animal kingdom. Love, love!

***

Dance, dance

2009-05-07T11:19:00.003-10:00

The other night I went to a Cinco de Mayo party. Naturally the conversation turned to all things Latin and the new dance club that had recently opened. Our gay friend, who seemed very informed about these matters, even if he is Asian, swore it is THE club to go when you want to get down and dirty to salsa, meringue, and bachata. And let me tell you, momma NEEDS to dance with some hot Latin guys…preferably in these shoes, however impractical they might be!

Best Bachata Routine Ever